Sandy's WILD Postpartum Story Part II - It Gets REAL

Sandy + Wade (00:01.528)
Welcome back. We're back to part two of this story. Part two. This is where it gets really heavier. You feeling okay? Yeah, I just kind of feel queasy. Like, I don't know what is about to come out. There was a lot of stuff that happened. Part of me is like, keep

certain details to yourself. part of me is just like, just go with the story and see what comes out. Yeah, I think I mean, I want to empower you. I'm proud of you for sharing this. And I know you're not sharing it for you, even though you might get some benefits. Sometimes it's, you know, saying things out and letting it out as healing. But also I know, I think a lot of people will resonate, relate, connect, but share what feels just let it flow naturally, share what feels naturally, share what you want to share and know that

we're going to benefit to also before we get started, how many drinks is too many drinks? We I just had a protein shake. We got our electrolytes here. Mind health. We got some coffee, water, water. But also reflecting on this episode like that this season that we're kind of doing this series on, we were in survival mode. It was honestly just like surviving the day. You know, metaphorically, but kind of figuratively and realistically as well.

I want to say I'm proud of us now. Like here we are. We're about to record back to back podcasts. We're back in like a build mode, like building our families, our families growing, building business, know, building, doing podcasts again together. So I'm proud of us. Hi five. this one again is, it's kind of more your Sherry, your story to share and I'll just jump in wherever, but so you didn't listen to the episode right before this. I would definitely listen to that.

so that this makes sense. That was kind of like our birth and like leading up to this, like the first couple of weeks of postpartum. And then this is where it kind of takes a shift where we started getting like medical help, like therapy and like professional help. based off where we left off. It was basically at home, it was getting so intense. Yeah. And after the repressed memories and kind of sleepless nights and different things, and it just felt like.

Sandy + Wade (02:24.738)
Whoa. Yeah. And my rage, my rage was unbelievable. Like I would be screaming at you at the top of my lungs. Like I remember one day I threw like a bag of protein in the kitchen at you. Do you remember that? Yeah. I was so mad because I just felt like it was like, couldn't even have words to express. I just felt like you, your life is the same and my body got mutilated. And I like, like, I just felt like my whole identity and like,

physical appearance and like mental, emotional, physical, everything just got like ripped right open and like put in a blender. And I didn't want you to like suffer with me, but I felt like you just didn't like know how to hold space or have like empathy or compassion the way I needed you to, which I don't know how any husband can truly have that because they just like won't be the one to go through it. But I just remember having so much anger and like rage.

And, but then at the same time, like deep appreciation. And it was like this. I could know I could see that like, because women go through so much to bring life into this world and men don't. mean, you know, we have different roles and stuff, right? But like, so I could totally end knowing you too. That's just kind of how you're wired to like, Wade just didn't change. Nothing changed. Didn't wasn't pregnant for nine months. Didn't have to go through that wild traumatic birth. Didn't get

cut open in a C-section. His life didn't change and physically it didn't, which is sort of validate you there. I think also to put in perspective, well, physically it didn't. My life did change. mean, I, for example, had my wife throwing a bag of protein at me, like rage at me. So it's just a different, it doesn't compare. You can't even compare the two. There's no physical, really.

But there is, you know, we'll get into the story. I mean, holding the family together in that season was the hardest burden I've ever had to carry. And it was, so it was a different, definitely a different hard, but I think we're on the other side and, you know, still growing through and residual stuff, but stronger and maybe even better because of it, but. Yeah.

Sandy + Wade (04:50.114)
Your story. So picking up on where we left off. So I think it was like May 15 or something. We were like about two weeks postpartum. We got highly recommended to this place. I don't think I'll name drop it because I don't want to like I was on chat. I got we got referrals from people we knew. Yeah, everyone was saying this was the place to go. It was like women. Specific for postpartum women and men were like, you could not be near men at that point. So like, this was like the spot.

So we went there and the owner, I still remember her name. Yeah, I won't say it. no, no name. Yeah, she decided to actually work with us directly. But anyway, the first time we went to meet with her was- She actually took in, let me go back. I sent this like very long email explaining everything, everything that was going on, which was a lot at this point. don't even, we don't even have the time to get into every detail, but, and she was like, I see you and hear you. Oh my gosh.

I need to take this on personally as the owner. Like I am the best fit. I can't pass this off to anyone. Like I got you. Yeah. So we go meet with her and even just getting there was so hard because for me, like I was still very much in the thick of like physical healing. Like even coming down my stairs was hard, let alone getting in the car, let alone driving 20 minutes away. So I had multiple panic attacks, even just leaving the house. And these panic attacks were horrifying. Like, I mean, I've had panic attacks before in my life.

and it's crazy like now reflecting back, realize they started after the sexual abuse, which I didn't like I locked that away. Yeah, but like reflecting on I'm like, my gosh, I think that was my body like having locked trauma in my cells, and like feeling anxious or scared or unsafe. And so I would have these like severe panic attacks. My parents didn't know what to do there's multiple times like

I have so many memories even as a kid of my parents. Which makes so much sense, like pausing there without us being doctors or anything or me even ever honestly experiencing a panic attack. Personally, it makes so much sense to have deep trauma, repressed even, that manifests in this physical convulsion, like exorcism almost type thing. just intuitively, it's like, my gosh, that's trauma just bubbling.

Sandy + Wade (07:11.622)
Like needing to almost come out. Yeah. So anyway, we get to this gal's office, we meet with her and she had like a student assistant in the room as well. And I was like, in like a manic sharing mode, like I was like, first of all, I want to make sure you're open to like spirituality, because I have a lot of stuff I'm going to share. Like I feel like I like just in this past week, like since asking for prayers, and having this repressed memory come out, I feel like I met God, like I feel like I've

had a profound experience, like I'm having a spiritual awakening, like, and she was like, yep, I can like hold space for all that. like, okay, great. And I remember above her head, she had this like framed picture of a butterfly actually saw it in my photo gallery the other day. I had some quote on it. And I remember like reading out loud being like, wow, like, I really feel like this woman like, is gonna be a fit for us. And so anyway, I felt good about it. I was just like trauma dumping like in the one hour session, which by the way, I think it was a 50 minute session, but we were like, 12 minutes late because of like the panic attacks on the way there. So I'm trying to catch her up on like,

17 days postpartum of like severe trauma in like 38 minutes. So I'm like, like talking as fast as I can, like trying to tell her. And then we came back two days later for our second appointment. And when we walked in, she was like, okay, before we get started, this is going to be different than last session. I have some recommendations. Wade, here is a list. This is like how I remember it. Here's a list of six places. I can't require you to do this, but I am diagnosing Sandy as

postpartum psychosis. Isn't that what she said? I have postpartum psychosis and she said it's very dangerous and serious and she recommended that Wade take me to one of these inpatient facilities. It was a psych ward, like a mental hospital, not a place for a postpartum person that's suffering. Like that is a place for, yes, it's for people that are suffering, but it's for, it's like, I guess a temporary holding cell for someone that's maybe like actively suicidal.

I, when she shared that I was like looking at Wade, like I do not want to go there. Like I grew up with a mother that did battle suicidal attempts multiple times. And she was in and out of psych wards and she was on 72 hour mental health hold. And I saw that as a child and I knew that I didn't want to do that. It's terrifying, but Wade was scared too. And then we called like my midwife and this is the whole thing too with this facility.

Sandy + Wade (09:37.494)
She broke HIPAA, she went behind my back, she knew the name of my midwife, because I had name dropped it in my first session. She emailed my midwife and said, we're both working with the same person. I need to know, like, do you think she's at baseline or like I'm diagnosing her as postpartum psychosis, are you worried about that? And Geneva was like, no, like I'm not worried about that. You're the mental professional. So like, you know, I can't say that.

But like she went behind my back and emailed my midwife, which is literally like breaking hip. It made me so fricking mad. I'm like, wow, I'm supposed to feel safe with you as a professional. go behind my back. You're diagnosing me with something when you had 38 minutes to like hear my story and I'm just not okay. Like just dumping my story. So long story longer, we talked to Geneva and Geneva was like, Sandy, I don't think that's what's happening here. Like, but like I'm not the one to say I have had, she's like, I don't want to scare you, but I have had.

had patients that, or patients like whatever. Clients. Clients, yeah. That were postpartum psychosis and. The worst happened. The worst happened. Like you can, they sometimes might end their life or harm their baby or end their baby's life. And so I think the second Wade heard that, like I'd like to shift to what was going on for you. I mean, my perspective, Sandy didn't go super deep into the first appointment, but like overall, like putting all in.

what she was going through. I mean, you were sharing your story, but this isn't like Sandy sharing her story here, right? And now on this podcast, she was postpartum, postpartum, like two weeks coming off a C-section, repressed memories, sexual trauma, drugs in the system, literally maybe two hours of sleep at night going on to like a week plus of that. And so yes, coming off like manic, if you don't know what manic is, it's just like.

talk and blah, blah. And kind of like this person is out of touch with reality. like they're on like drugs. Yeah. If you're in your right mind listening to someone who's manic, you're like, my gosh, this person is on another planet. So Sandy was in that state. Now I've known her my whole life and I know her well. And I'm like, this feels very situational, but at the same time, this is new. Like we haven't been through this together. And honestly, you haven't been through all of this cocktail of things. And so yeah, she was coming off like,

Sandy + Wade (11:59.342)
wild and crazy and manic. And I was postpartum, pre-clampsia. was having those 15 to 20 panic attacks a day. We started, I started, this is when I started calling the OBGYN at the hospital and saying like, I think I'm having seizures and I was starting to request a medical EEG because we thought, I thought they were seizures. was, remember I was forgetting so many things. Well, you weren't sleeping. Yeah. But remember I'd be like, do we have bottles? And you're like, babe, I literally just washed, washed, washed.

watched you put a bottle next to you. And I'd be like, I did? I'm like, what does it look like? And I literally couldn't remember very basic things. And I was getting very worried. you know, hindsight 20-20, now looking back and understanding a lot of this, it was a cocktail of things, but the most potent ingredient in the cocktail, not sleeping makes any person, I don't even care if you're not postpartum, go like.

You go crazy in your brain. Your brain needs sleep and needs rest. And so Sandy with the repressed memories would be waking up in terror and trauma every night. And, you know, we would be up together and because I remember you wouldn't want to be alone in different stuff. And so she's coming to this meeting like just, oh my goodness. And so this woman, yeah, it was like 30 to 45 minutes. Couldn't even get a full grip. I also understand from her standpoint, being a professional, like she had.

professionals, especially in the medical and mental health space have to protect against worst case scenario. So unfortunately, she's like this, I'm going to diagnose postpartum psychosis because I see it and we need to protect against worst case scenario of harming yourself or harming the baby. Which obviously as a husband, I'm like, okay, I know Sandy really well and this feels situational, but it also is literally crazy like insanity.

What do I do? And I never got this sense ever you would hurt yourself or crew or any of us. I never got this answer of this whole thing. But I feel like that's because I just know your heart. But also when you hear all these professionals being like, it can happen to people who would never do that. And I'm like, my gosh, so we have this hard decision. What do we do? Also at that point, it was getting to the point at home

Sandy + Wade (14:22.798)
It was like, we can't, we need professionals here. Like I can't handle this. Like, meaning I don't know how to help it. I can manage the house and the kids and do my best for Sandy. And we can have, you know, nanny help and nurse help and at home. And we had so many day nurses and midwives and doulas and like postpartum specialists and in and out of the house all day, like supporting us and like so many friends dropping off meals. Like we

had so much support and that's probably a whole nother part of this and they're so grateful for that. But like it was past the point of us being able to handle it. couldn't handle it anymore. So basically we left that appointment. I remember crew was with us, we got back in the car. And I remember like looking at you and being like, I have decision fatigue, I can't make choices. I really don't want to go to a psych ward. But I trust you.

and I want you to make this decision. Like what do you think I should do basically? And I remember you being like, I think would be really good for you to sleep. Like they're basically gonna give you like, Seroquel or some like sleeping med and you'll pass out and you'll get rest and you'll be able to come home and like feel rested. And I was like, okay, so it wasn't like an emergency. Like I went home and packed a bag. I spent the afternoon for a couple hours with the kids.

packed a bag and then I literally will never forget that day was May 15th of 2025. Um, I remember cause it was five, 15, five, five, five. think it was five, five, 25 something like that. There was like a lot of five. Um, anyway, I remember pulling out of the driveway and like waving goodbye to your mom and the girls and just being like, wow, I'm literally voluntarily going to a psych ward because apparently I'm psychotic, postpartum psychosis, like what? So we're like driving there.

And I remember that drive so vividly. And the conversation that we had, which I don't want to share on here, but there was like just a lot of like synchronicities and like signs and things that were happening. And so anyway, we get to this place and we get checked in. They do a three hour intake to like evaluate. Also, we did. I'm like huge on research like, oh yeah, like my wife's health and her mental health. So like researching the

Sandy + Wade (16:44.276)
Initial psychiatrists and like getting so many referrals and recommendations everything online pointing to that then like okay She's postpartum meet granted Sandy has a lot more awareness about what a psych ward even is I honestly was pretty naive so I'm trying to research and like where's the best place for a woman postpartum and different stuff and this is obviously a whole nother subject too, but there's Unfortunately, there's not a lot of resources for postpartum women like

who are maybe have something going on like this or struggling with mental health, like there's not a lot of resources there. It's just black and white home or psych ward almost, which is a so drastic, insane stark contrast. So I'm I also am not fully aware. I'm doing my research and like, the reviews are pretty good. And everyone I'm talking to professional is like, yeah, she's, she just needs some sleep and whatever. And so yeah, we go there and like, like, okay, not really knowing fully.

Yeah, but I remember dropping you off and just I just broke down after I dropped you off and I'm in the car alone and I was just like sobbing I remember taking it was one of those moments. I'm like I'm gonna take a picture of this because this is like a Defining or a big moment in life. Yeah, I remember that vividly and Remember a song came on. I don't remember what it was, but if something felt like alignment somehow or divine, but anyways three hour intake three hour intake with this woman

named Justice, I still remember. And then another woman came and her name was Grace. So when I said goodbye to Wade, Justice and Grace walked me down this long white hallway. And when those white doors open, it was I was in for the intake with Justice. Right. I was in the intake with Justice. We're like, wow, Justice and Grace. And then the intake was a very normal. like you walk in and the facility is nice and you know, the room was actually whatever.

It was like, okay, it gave me some level of comfort. like, these are nice, very nice women professionals. Can I also tell you guys while this was happening? So one of our dear friends that works for the same company as us apparently had like notified a lot of the top leaders in our company, like the creditors are not doing well, like we need prayers, like blah, blah, blah. I literally have chills as I'm saying this. As we're sitting there, I'm about to be taken back into the psych ward. And they had told me it would be like three to five days.

Sandy + Wade (19:05.922)
And I'm, and I begged them if I could see my baby or breastfeed them every day. they're like, we're, we'll ask for special special permission, but probably not. So was voluntarily about to not see my child for like five days. You're like three weeks old. Yeah. My three week old. Yes. So anyway, I'm sitting there all of sudden Wade's phone starts going to ching, to ching, to ching, to ching. Venmo was going off psycho. You guys are a ton of people in our company, like didn't know how to help.

from afar, people live like all over the country or didn't even fully know what was happening. didn't even really know what we were going through, but just knew the creditors need prayers or not okay. so people just started sending money, honestly was unsolicited, like shocking, like within 10 minutes, there was $4,000 in our Venmo account, which ended up totally helping with our insane like childcare. And we had a ton of like medical expenses. Like, yeah, it totally just went towards that. But it was like this defining like

crazy moment of me feeling like I'm about to say goodbye to my husband and get checked into this psycho place. But I felt like this like sense of community of like people have our backs like we're gonna be okay. anyway, that's I note on that quick gratitude like can't even go into everyone but not even sending money that was incredible. Amazing. We know money can very help but like people would come over drop meals, people set up meal trains, people nurses and postpartum doulas we knew

I'm like, can I hire you? They're like, I will not accept payment. coming over to help. women would come over. was a city needed female energy like people would come hold space for me. People would come one woman. One of the times I was hospitalized, a gal that I like vaguely know, but like super sweet. We've met up a couple of times, but she was like, I don't care what it is. My kids are at preschool. I got the day to do anything for your family. And I was like, I have such severe anxiety. I think I'm getting released from the hospital today. Like

I can't walk into a house that's messy. She's like, I got it. She came over to my house, my house with the nanny. Like, are you kidding me? Like, was amazing. And I was like, what can we do? And, and I will say it's a testament to people and their nature, but also to you, because you're someone who gives without expectation of receiving. And you've done that your whole life. And you're so generous and you know, Sandy, which is

Sandy + Wade (21:20.2)
not usual is in this desperate need and people are like, I've never needed help more than I did during this time. was a side gratitude. If you're hearing this, like thank you for the prayers for the people who came drop food for any single thing, just having us in your thoughts and that season, if you were aware at all, appreciate you and appreciate our community. There's honestly no words to really put. I could just ball my eyes out. Honestly, like there is no words to like fully express, like

the level of love that we felt amidst like surviving what really felt like hell in so many ways. like, I think of like Ezra, our nanny at the time, we call her Ezzy. Shout out, Ezzy. my gosh. Ezzy. I feel like she's like my little sister. Like she saw me in like the worst form anyone's ever seen me. Like even my sister didn't see me like that. My sister wasn't here. and Ezzy would just stay around the clock and spend the night and like she did so much for our family. Shout out, Ezzy.

It's just it's unbelievable. mom came out and and your sister was there for three weeks into the birth. Yeah, my mom came out and just was at the drop of a hat like she kind of knew like my gosh I'm needed. there was so much there was so much help and it was like wow I don't know what we would have done. So anyway let's get back to the psych ward so justice and go back. What was her name? Grace who said faith.

Justice and Grace walked me down this white hallway. I waved goodbye to They opened these doors and I walk up and I literally had this like capes thing over me because I had the hawkas on my boobs because I was pumping because they told me I could save my milk and Wade could come every day and pick it up to feed the baby. And I was like so grateful for that. I'm like, okay, least he'll still like maybe have some feel some connection to me, like my baby or whatever. So I get there and

Like I have this cape thing over me and I sit down, I'll never forget this nurse Sheila was the woman that was like checking me in and she had this scar on her lip, like a cleft palate. Like I'll never forget where her face looked like. And I like took my hawkers off. I had the drape on and I like put it down. was like, I'm like, hi, like, can I save this milk like for my son? And she's like, well, I have to see about that. We're about to do a skin check. I was like, what? And she's like, you need to get over to this other room. We're going to strip you down naked. I'm like, okay. And I was like, wait, why? And so I'm immediately like emotional because I'm like, wait,

Sandy + Wade (23:41.696)
No, I just had repressed memories and I don't think I want to get into the details of this one, but like that same week a few days before I had a repressed memory come out of a rape that happened when I was 19 years old that resulted in a pregnancy that ended up miscarrying. But that's a whole like really hardcore deep thing that I to I almost like, I don't know why I need to say this, but like it was someone you were, you had dated before, like right?

Just my mind goes like it's someone like a homeless guy. No, it's like it was someone I knew yeah, and Yeah, I don't want to share the details of it. Yeah, totally at this time but anyway, I had just had that memory come through that I forgot for 17 18 years and so I don't want to be naked in front of anyone I don't want to do a skin check. I don't want people to touch me. Anyway, I get in this room. It's nurse Sheila It's her little assistant person. These places are also dealing with like literally psychopaths. Yeah, they have to like

kind of treat you like that you realize even if it's a postpartum mom. Yeah, unfortunately. However, also sweet Sandy is inside but on the outside there is like you still is this manic kind of like wild could do anything. Yeah. So anyway, they made me get naked. So I'm standing there naked and they're literally touching my body like they're touching around everywhere like and so she gets to my C-section which is like

I just had a C-section two weeks ago. Like this is still raw. This is still tender. It hurts so bad. She's aggressively like putting her hands all around it. And I'm literally like screaming. I'm like, no, no, please stop. And I'm just saying like, I just remembered that I got raped. I just had this, please don't touch me. Like I'm like begging them. And she goes, we just have to make sure you didn't pack any drugs in here. I'm like, what? Like I'm like, I just had a baby. Like what are you talking about? Like, and it was like so shocking to my nervous system. Like I'm like.

I literally just saw, was with Wade three minutes ago and now I'm naked being searched and touched aggressively and, they had no compassion. And I kept saying like, I just had a C-section and she goes, I had two of them. They're not that bad. Get over it. And I was like, my God, like nurse Sheila, man, I'll never forget this lady. anyway, we can draw names, like, let's not connect facility to, so like undiscovered. I'm happy to, cause everything I'm is true and it has been recorded in these facilities. I, we, you know, we're not trying to call it.

Sandy + Wade (26:03.49)
Yeah. So anyway, then I get, then I get out of that situation. I, and, or out of that room. then they check, they're like, Hey, this will be your room. And I walk in this room and there's a woman in the room. So you have like a roommate and she's like staring at the ground with her eyes, like bug-eyed massive. And I just remember she had a red sock on and her foot was just like, just swaying back and forth. And they like bring me to my bed, which is like a three fourths of an inch of a mattress. And literally there was like a black hair on the pillow.

the sheet is like this crunchy, crispy, not warm at all. Like I was like, fuck, this is where they want me to sleep for five days? are you kidding? I was terrified. I'm like, who's this woman with the red sock? Why is she staring like that? Like, I was like, I am so scared. Like I cannot be in there. So I immediately like walked out of the room. I went back up to the nurse section and I was like, and another thing I had said to them when they checked me in, I was like, I'm very scared of men because of some repressed memories that came through. So.

If you have nurses or stuff coming in during the night or that need to take my blood pressure or give me meds, like I can't be a man. Like I don't feel safe with a man in a room. Like I'm terrified. And they're like, OK, yeah, noted. Great. Next thing you know, I'm like sitting there. Some guy comes in tomorrow. He's like, just taking your blood pressure. And I'm like, no, no, no. Like immediately like panicking. And they're like, nothing's going to happen. Like you're overreacting. And I'm like, I have PTSD. Like and I felt like I was constantly having like defend myself. And I'm like, I don't think these people know how to like handle someone that is like freshly.

postpartum, freshly going through repressed memories. Like I just, I did not feel safe there. And so anyway, I got checked in at 9 p.m. and they had said they were going to give me Seroquel, which was this like sleeping med that I really didn't have a good experience with. I had, I was on it for six days and those were the weirdest dreams and things I'd like ever had in my life. But they were like, we're going to give it to you and get you to go to sleep.

Well, I really wasn't feeling safe there. And so I literally stayed in like the common lobby area and I just tucked myself in the corner with my back against a corner of a wall so no one could come up behind me. And I was just like observing. And I remember seeing this woman walk up to the nurse station to over to Sheila and she was like, here's your bucket and like gave her backpack or a bucket. This woman's like violently vomiting in this. She probably had like 40 slits on her wrists, like bandages. Like I, I don't know for sure, but I.

Sandy + Wade (28:23.158)
Like she was definitely hurting herself, but like maybe tried to commit suicide. I don't know. Like that, these were the types of people I was around. There was men just wandering around. Like I remember seeing this one guy that was like so skinny and tattoos like all the way up his neck, like greasy hair. And he was like, where's your baby? I heard you just had a baby. And I was like, my God, like I need to get out of here. Like it was literally like one of, at that point it was the scariest night of my life. But when you hear more of my story, you'll realize like, that was just the beginning. long story, longer.

I was like, I need get out of this situation and this is not a medical facility. And if I start like really advocating for myself with medical things, like I'm to have to transfer out of here and get out of here. This is where Sandy, like the Sandy, you guys probably know better, like the powerful like can do anything. Sandy, you channeled that. I'm so proud of you. did. Cause also in all of this, when you have a repressed memory or something, oftentimes you can regress to that seven year old at church campus.

12 year old at church camp and like so a lot of times I'm with Sandy, but I'm really with like 12 year old just been kind of molested Sandy and I like there's so many layers that and so much more but like you it's hard. How do you I don't know how to even communicate with that person? So she's like going into there's moments where your 12 year old Sandy and but then you snap into like current survival mode like

And even out of the mania mode into like, need to get the F out of here. I knew I had to get out of there. I was like, I do not feel safe here. I'm not sleeping here. Like this place is dirty. This place is like, there was just no empathy, no compassion. Like I was like, this is not where it meant to be. And so I knew I was like, okay, I postpartum preeclampsia. Like I'm literally diagnosed with that. So that's a high blood pressure. Like it can be very serious people and have seizures. People can have strokes, whatever. So, and I could

feel when panic attacks were coming on and I could feel when my blood pressure was like super high. And so I kept like demanding that they would take my blood pressure because I was like, I know for sure if they take it right now, it's going to be like through the roof and they're going to call an ambulance. Like, and so I kept requesting and requesting and they're like, well, we're not, we're understaffed. Like we can't right now. And I was like, my God, they're just like doing anything to avoid this. So then I go to the bathroom and obviously like I'm still bleeding a lot vaginally, like from this.

Sandy + Wade (30:46.094)
you know, from the birth and I was still wearing like diapers and stuff at the time, like the pens or whatever. And so I was like, okay, I have to like exaggerate the situation to get out of here. So when I came out of the bathroom, I was like, can someone help me with my hemorrhoids? They're like, you have hemorrhoids? And I was like, yeah, like I need help. Like, I don't even know anything about hemorrhoids, but I just said that and was just like, I know, like, what do mean you need help? I'm like, I'm in a lot of pain. Like I need help down there. I can't fully bend and like see, and they were like,

We didn't know you had hemorrhoids. Like that wasn't told to us when you were checked in. was like, guy, I forgot. I'm tired. And they were like, okay, okay, we're going to make note of that. Like, and then I kept asking them to bring me an electric pump. And I was like, I, like I can't get mastitis. They're like, we don't have an electric problem. But I was like, they're like, your husband can bring you one. And I was like, well, I can't get mastitis. Like my boobs hurt. Like, I feel like I have a fever. Like, and so I was kind of like exaggerating things. It was like, knew stacking the evidence to get out of there. Because I'm like, I'm not meant to be here.

So then at one point nurse Sheila leads that station. She was like the lead nurse person and my my back my overnight bag that I packed was still there and my phone was in it and I was like I need to get my phone and so I asked one of the like her little assistant like intern people I was like I need that phone and he was like I don't think I'm supposed to I'm like I need give me the phone right now I'm gonna jump over the thing he was like okay so he gives me a phone I call Wade. Wade was home it was about 45 minutes from our house.

And he was like, I've never heard like such terror in your voice. Like I told him, I was like, I don't care what the hell you need to do. You need to break me out of this place. Like I need to get out of here. I will willingly go to the like ER and because I'm definitely a panic attack is coming. I feel it. Like I'm willing to do whatever, but like I cannot be here. And so anyway. So I get this. Yeah, I'm home, like about to go to bed and get this call. And so then.

I mean, when I felt good and then saying bye to Sandy, you know, there's all the nerds. like, I, she needs sleep and stabilization like this seems like the only really move we can do. I get the call from, and then I get in my car to start like ball, like just it all releases. Cause I'm trying to hold everything. is honestly probably right when you were doing my skin. Probably. Yeah. Right. When everything's happening. And I just remember driving home like, what that was just so many emotions.

Sandy + Wade (33:06.146)
get home and like about to go to sleep and yeah, get the call. And I just hear Tara. She gives me like high level what's went down and like what's going on around her. And I'm like, my gosh, my postpartum wife. Now granted she is manic. Like there is like, there is this level of like, my gosh, like is it safe? I mean, I'd never thought she was going to do it, but like, is it safe to like for her to be home right now? But she's definitely not safe there. And I'm like trying to digest and

figure out the next best move and what I can actually do in the mean time. she's like, tell me, I'll think she's keeping me on speaker while like the guy nurses coming in different stuff. And like, I can hear her and I know, Sandy's like flexing right now. Like Sandy is has channeled survival mode. I'm going to get back into my right mind and get out of here. And I'm stacking all these things that preeclampsia that whatever, because like when Sandy needs to get something done, like she knows how to do it. And so

Well, and then they started. So then they did take my blood pressure and I forget what the number was, but they were like, wait, we need to check that again. And they took it again. They were like, and then I heard them say like, you really need to order an ambulance. But then they were like, because it's not like an immediate urgency, like the ambulance will probably get here in like two to three hours. I was like, no, I'm not taking an ambulance. I voluntarily checked myself out in and my husband is going to volunteer to check myself out. So on the phone, making him come get me. I'm on the phone. hearing all this. And I'm like, now in this like, okay, these professionals are telling me it's

Sandy needs like supervision and the, you know, worst case scenario and it's not safe and she needs to sleep and stabilization. I'm like, and I agree, she needs sleep and stabilization. Like, and I don't think worst case scenario would happen, but like, you know, whatever we got to protect the inside of course. But this place is not right for it. And I'm just having like in the moment having to like gut check and like, she wants me to break her out of the psych ward. I'm like, okay, I just got it.

Do it. Okay, and so I get in the car and like in the meantime I'm like luckily like chat GVT is the thing right? I'm like trying to look up all the laws because it's very convoluted like what I realized I'm trying to like what can I do? Do we have rights and like what long story short? I'm like on the phone with her looking up on chat or like having chat do stuff for me in the background reading it out loud to me while I'm driving 45 minutes back and I'm like

Sandy + Wade (35:27.694)
Oh my gosh, I don't know the right answer for sure. But like my guts, like, think I just need to like get her up. And I remember like learning in my drive over there while I'm on the phone with her that if it is a voluntary check-in, it's very, very challenging to get someone out of a psych ward. But you can, unless they're on like a 72 hour hold and I'm like, okay, we aren't. And hopefully she hasn't done something crazy enough to make them be able to put her on that. like,

I can break her out, but it's like get there. And basically like, need to get my wife out. Yeah. At this point it's like midnight. And I'm like, the whole reason I'm here is for me to sleep. They never gave me the Sarah quill. Like they're just like lollygallag getting around, helping other people that are actually in like, like there's people like banging their heads on the walls. Like there's people like that they're all like running over to help. And I'm just sitting there like, yeah, I'm, I'm not meant to be here. Like I can pull another all nighter to make sure that I get out of here. Like

So, and then I'm upfront at the front and dealing with the admin side of it. And so there's so many layers to it. There's liability for them. There's, you know, it is a business at the same time. And so there's so many things where they're like fighting to keep her there. And I'm like fighting to break her out. Not completely sure without not being a lawyer that I can, but like believing I think I had enough evidence to understand I could and like,

I'm not the type to go in and just like fight, administrate, like do this type of thing. No, but in that situation, obviously it was like, so he's like, he's in the fight board at the front, probably like 200 yards from me. I'm in the back, like in the locked area. Yeah. And then I'm, but I have my phone and I'm just like moaning. like, my boobs. my God. The mastitis. And I'm like, my God. And I'm like, I need help. I need help. My husband's here. He's going to take me to the ER.

And they're like, we can wait for the ambulance. I'm like, no, we'll sign anything. Like we're not, I'm not getting in an ambulance. I was so scared they were going to like transfer me to another facility. Like I didn't trust medical professionals. was like, uh-uh. Like I want to be with my husband. So anyway, they fricking, they're like, they were so annoyed with me. They were just like, get her out here. go. So they fricking walk me out and I'll never forget these like doors open and they had like a tiny, like one foot window, like where I could see through it. And I saw Wade on the other side and it was like,

Sandy + Wade (37:46.19)
slow motion out of a movie. felt like I hadn't seen him in like 10 years, but it was 1 a.m. So it only been four hours, four hours in this hell hole. And I just remember running out and like sobbing in his arms and being like, thank you so much for getting me. But like my blood pressure was through the roof. So we did sign and say like, we will immediately go to an ER. I literally, I haven't stood up or fought for something. I don't think that hard in my life. I told you, that was the sexiest thing you've ever

the man, I've done a lot of manly things in my life. I think that it was by far the manliest, like best feeling thing I've ever done. Even though it still like, now I have, now what do I do with Sandy? At least she's safe and not in there. But like it was still a somewhat emergent situation because now your blood pressure is way up. Panic attacks are right about to happen again. And like you haven't slept now and you had this traumatic experience. What I had to go through at the front with this, they weren't,

being mean, but like they're trying to do everything in their power to keep you there. And I remember just having, were like, I'm going to say this calmly. Like I heard he's like, I'm to say this calmly once he was like, um, my wife is two weeks postpartum. She has postpartum preeclampsia. She has hemorrhoids. She has this, she has that, like we need to get her to a hospital. This is not working. We are not waiting for an ambulance. I will sign anything you need to get her out. And they were like, no, blah, blah, blah. And then I just remember hearing his hand like slam, like

And he was like, and I just remember hearing the F word and just like, at her, but just saying like, this is fucking ridiculous. Like he was just like, I just remember being like, I'll sign anything. Like we are getting out of here. Don't let me get my lawyers involved. like, remember I started writing on a piece of paper, like releasing all liability. They like drew up some like off the cuff liability release waiver, printed it, sign it.

And they finally knew I wasn't going to give up. And so yeah, it was the best moment to be like, okay, she's safe in my arms. And then it was like, now what? I think we need to go to the ER. And we did. Yeah, and we did. Which is tough. what I've also realized is there's at home, then there's the ER is like this temporary, make sure you're stable, but not for like, it's just to make sure your vitals are stable. And then there's unfortunately,

Sandy + Wade (40:04.296)
Then it's like an inpatient mental health facility, AKA psych ward. And there's no like in between at least nothing around us. And I've searched there are some nationally, but also they're like $100,000 like out of pocket non insurance to like go to two. it's like, they're not really accessible either. And so we go to the ER and my gosh, there's so much more. know I don't want to get into the details of like, like every single thing, but

Basically that started a ripple effect. Like I was so mad at Wade for like, like I was so grateful he got me out and I was like, that was the sexiest thing he ever done. But then as a few days went on, I was so mad. I'm like, why? I told you I didn't want to go there. Like she skin checked me and this and that. And so I just kept repeating. Like I was like in a loop of like they were touching me and there was a man in the room. And like, I just, and then it was like this new trauma. It was like.

We didn't even have this trauma a few days ago and now she's traumatized all over. And so was like, I was getting more angry and more this and more that. And, still not sleeping though. Like we couldn't get you sleep. No. And I had sleep like paralysis where I, yeah, my body would get like paralyzed and, I, was just, here was a typical night every, every single night. We'd have the day. It would be like managing like, you know, the house, the family having hopefully my mom or Ezra or

or a nurse that all the above multiple women in the house, because she still didn't even feel full safe with me. I'm trying to like, you know, we have three kids that and a newborn and but Sandy is harder to take care of and help than crew our newborn like because there was just so many layers, so much trauma, like manic, all sorts of sleep deprivation, so many needs and things. And we're all trying my best. And even if I could fulfill them all, like I really couldn't like it wasn't entered. She's needed women. So

We'd go through the day, we'd survive the day. It would turn nightfall. I would get the kids down and everything. some nights you'd be like, okay, I feel okay, you're sleeping in bed with me. Usually. Some nights we'd be like, I don't feel okay, you're sleeping in bed with me. So he would sleep in the guest room and I'd have his mom sleep in bed with me. I only wanted feminine energy. Well, that happened, yeah. Sometimes. The average night was we'd get to bed around the, we'd be in bed talking, processing trauma. You'd have just thoughts. Sandy was just like talking a mile a minute.

Sandy + Wade (42:23.404)
and just so much coming out of her and spiritual awakening and all sorts of stuff, you would eventually fall asleep for like an hour and a half to two hours. And no more than two hours would be woken up by repressed memory, dream, trauma, abruptly. And- But then feel trapped and paralyzed in my own body where I couldn't move. But paralyzed where you couldn't move, but you could like groan. And then I would wake up and then eventually you could move and it would be like, you'd be in this trauma loop and-

all I could do is like, listen, and that would happen to like, four or five, six, and then the sun would rise and it was a new day and Sandy wouldn't sleep and I wouldn't either a few times like she's telling stories processing trauma and I would like drift off and she would get so pissed at me but like, I'm trying to be parent dad, keep the house, keep the rest of our life in order and you know, take care of you. if you were spending hours a day.

like on the phone with insurance, with medical professionals, with facilities, doing research. And I was getting two hours of sleep remember how much I had this thing with my eyes? I literally made you take me to the eye doctor like three weeks postpartum. I was seeing these black floaters everywhere and I couldn't look at screens. Like phones hurt my eyes so bad. Screens, light, like anything was, and I told, wait, I'm like, I don't know if I have eye cancer or what's going on. Like my eyes hurt, things are fuzzy, blurry. So we literally went to an eye doctor like,

went and a exam. Everything is like worst case scenario in your brain. It's the same. It's like, might have eye cancer. It's like, that's the postpartum thing. But that was Sandy our night, actually every night. And sometimes though, my mom would be there, she's absolutely angel saint. And she was like, I need female energy. And sometimes my mom would be like, wait, I'll sleep with her tonight. And then I would get, you know, I would wake up and feed crew and different stuff. But like, I would get like four hours instead of two or whatever. But then like,

carry the load the rest of the day, but Sandy's obviously carrying the load. You you hear everything she's going through. And so it was just like survival, survival mode. That was like every single night without fail, two hours max of sleep for months. And that just stacks up. And it was like just this cocktail for disaster. Yeah.

Sandy + Wade (44:38.802)
I wanna like kind of quickly share this part, but I feel like around six weeks. So I had like the six weeks postpartum thing at the OBGYN and like at the hospital. And I did it that way versus like with my home birth midwife, because I'm thinking like, okay, at that point, I was still thinking if I ever have a fourth child, like, and I have a C-section again, I just want to establish care with like an OBGYN at the hospital. So went there, whatever. Like, I don't know what they have in my medical notes, but I feel like,

there's notes that this person's crazy because I've been in and out of the ER, I don't know, three, four times at that point. So it was very hard to get an appointment. And then when I did, they didn't even let me see the actual OBGYN. It was like a nurse practitioner or whatever. But I just remember being at that appointment and like filling out the paperwork. It's like how many pregnancies have you had? How many live births? And it was the first time I ever had to fill that out, like since having the repressed memory. And I just remember filling it out and feeling so disgusted.

that I had to write five pregnancies and three live births. Because before our first born Cameron, Wade and I had a miscarriage. And I thought that was my first miscarriage. Until the repressed memory came out, I remembered the reason that felt so familiar and was so deeply emotional was because I went through that alone at the age of 19 and I never told anyone. And so, I don't know, that whole thing, it just like brought up so much for me. I felt, I know Wade was like,

trying to respond to emails and catch up on things, but I felt like he wasn't present during the appointment. And I just wanted him to like be there and hold space for me. And then the woman's like, so let's talk about birth control. Like, what are we doing to not get pregnant? I'm like, I can't even talk about this. Like, I don't know. I just remember that whole appointment being like, whatever. But she's like, you're all good. Like you're in the clear. And I was like, okay, well, we want to go to Cal, like we're supposed to go to California like tomorrow because we were going to go to California. We were going to drop off.

Well, this is the crazy thing me and wade were going to go to our national like sales conference at seven weeks postpartum And like a week before i like, yeah i'm not ready and i'm not going to be home with three kids by myself Even with help like a nanny like we need more support. So we flew out to cal the obgyn was You know nurse practitioner was like you're good to travel. Everything's all good. Like you're completely healed Okay, so then we go to literally california like the next day or the day after and

Sandy + Wade (46:58.474)
We are poor planners sometimes. We literally had to sprint like 15 gates and like I had barely moved for six weeks. So I don't know if it was like from that, lot of movement or what it was, but I ended up like whatever we get to California. we dropped me and all the kids off. Wade goes to Vegas for the sales conference by himself. And I'm at my dad's house with like my dad, my dad's girlfriend, my sister. So I did have a lot of support, but

it just wasn't the same as like your husband, right? And so anyway, I had a massive regression in California. Like, leading up actually, we only went because you did start to like show signs of like stability and like, we can do this. we were like, all right, we, this is going to be a step, but like we can do this. But yeah, it's just so, I think also you realize how much like your partner, your spouse does when they're away, right? So me being away for three days or however many it was like,

and then someone can't step in and do what I was doing. Basically. Yeah. And so anyway, yeah. Rough nights like, you know, the kids are waking up like I'm, I need someone to process with. And I don't know, it was just a lot. then I started getting angry because like, he's obviously like, holding down our business and like showing up and doing that. But like, I would see reels or things that like, my sister, my dad's girlfriend would show me like, look what they're doing. And I'm like,

Cause like I wasn't on social media, but I would see what they were doing and I'm like, my God, they're just having so much fun. And I'm over here rotting. Like, and I would just get like angry of like his life hasn't changed. He's still on, you know, he's still living his life and blah, blah, blah. And I'm over here like suffering in a corner. Like, I would get granted we're in Vegas, but we're at a wellness, you know, our wellness brand sales conference and I'm rooming with my mom. So it's not like Vegas, like how you think it's Vegas, but it was, and it was only work, you know, leaders, we lead a

a big team and we talked about it and were like our presence or Sandy could not go to that but like is important there so we decided like okay Wade you go. And I was the one you were like I want you to decide I was like I want you Yeah I was like I don't think I should go and you were like no you need to do it. Yeah was like as long as we can get my dad's house and I get family support. Anyway while he was away. not like worked in. Months. Like yeah however many weeks that was. Seven weeks postpartum. Every day was full on.

Sandy + Wade (49:25.964)
how do we make sure our family is good today? then all the calling the insurer, all the people and trying to figure out what the next best steps were, but yeah. I'm realizing right now we're going to have to have a part at least three before we have the next, the fourth episode, which is the interview we're about to do with the other gal, but just because right now it's 12 o'clock. anyway, I want to wrap this part up. anyway, while he was in Vegas, I started having like,

insane amount of vaginal bleeding, like blood clots, like the size of my fist, like huge. And I was like, my gosh. So again, my brain is like, great. I just got cleared. They said I was good, but now something is wrong. And so I actually like bled through my dad's couch. Like it went like through like pillows and couch. And I was like, okay, this is really serious. And when Wade came home, I was like, I called the OBGYN in Colorado and they said, we need to go to the ER. Like there could be placenta like left.

maybe we had like a membership at the ER at that point. were regulars like and rightfully so like, you know, you need to make sure but also everything was exacerbated because of the state your body was in physically, mentally, metabolically, everything, anything was like a huge issue. And then in your head, it was, it could be the worst case scenario. So and I'm not gonna be like, we're not going to the ER. Here we go. Pack our ER bags again. Back to the ER.

Yeah, and we've even skipped over some of the ER. There was so many ER visits. It wasn't even, and there was two ambulance, two ambulance rides when we called 911 from Homeland. Yeah, we're skimming the surface. we're like not even serious, very serious, very panic attacks, like convulsions, like almost borderline exorcisms, like type stuff. I mean, I thought they were seizures because I didn't have any control over them. But anyway, anyway, so then we go to the hospital and they were like,

we have to do a transvaginal ultrasound. And to me, that was like the ultimate, like, are you kidding me? Like someone has to go inside my vagina. Like I can't even with all these repressed memories, like I don't want to relive stuff. Like I don't want a stranger in my vagina. Like, and I had told Wade, was like, I literally don't know if I'll ever do a Pap smear again. Like the only person I ever want near my vagina again is you. Like after everything that has come out with these repressed memories, like I'm so scared. But anyway, I was so terrified with all this pleading. So I ended up like consenting to it. I got a

Sandy + Wade (51:47.602)
vaginal ultrasound, is, you know, just traumatizing. They couldn't figure out what it was. And then I ended up having to get, was it a cat scan? Yeah. I went into this machine and like, whatever did all this stuff. Everything, blood tests, everything, everything came back nonconclusive. They literally couldn't, it wasn't placenta and there's nothing left. Like all the vitals, everything they could look at. Yep. So that's what the hospital and ER does like our

is are you metabotally vitally safe right now? it was like, yeah. So then I literally call my midwife. Well, I had called her before my home birth, my Geneva. called her. She's become like a dear friend, by the way. And if you live in Colorado and you ever want to have like an amazing midwife, Geneva is your girl. But anyway, I called her before we went to the ER, but she didn't answer. And then the next day I still hadn't heard from her come to find out she was in like a very long birth. So she didn't respond. But when I told her everything happened, she's like,

I think you started your period and I was like what like I didn't even think of that and I'm pretty sure she was right because ever since then every 28 to 30 days I've been living. So it was a freaking period. It was my first period postpartum. But like in that era of our life a period was this could be the of the world. So we're in the ER. Because we've all heard horrible stories. I mean one of my best friends she had to have surgery to get

pieces of the placenta removed or like sometimes with surgeries, like with C-sections, they'll leave tools inside of your body. So I was like, maybe like I'm having all these crazy psycho things and I'm having an insane infection in my body, whatever. So that was, that was another traumatic thing that happened. And then this was like, this was like, when we left that California trip and came home, I was wheelchair bound, like literally in a wheelchair because I was bleeding so much. We just didn't want to like keep the bleeding going. So Wade is pushing me through the Orange County airport.

while wearing crew while the girls are in a stroller while pushing his wife in a wheelchair. we freaking see ones on my shoulders. We see our CEO of our company who I love her to death, but like saw her and in that moment I was like, I could just disappear right now. This is how she's seen me. I was so embarrassed. Like I was just like, and she was like, how you doing? And it's like, I don't want to say like having blood clots the size of my fist coming out.

Sandy + Wade (53:59.79)
And at that point, I still didn't realize it was my, it was just inconclusive. Like no idea why I'm bleeding profusely. We're just trying to get you back to Colorado. You know, though our community is so amazing. Like she was somewhat aware that we were like going through it. So it wasn't like, what the heck? Sandy's in a wheelchair. So definitely compassionate. But like, yeah, from you, your standpoint, like, this is the last thing I want to be doing or seeing like, Oh my, seeing me like this, et cetera. I just felt so exposed. I felt so embarrassed. Like not even just with her. I just mean in general, like

which was a big reason why I was fully off of social media and stuff. I was just like, I'm in my cocoon. I'm in absolute survival mode. I can't take anything else in right now. So we, let's see, I think a good transition, because we've got about five minutes till our next interview, is, Sandy, you had started to stabilize. I honestly forget the exact turning point. Starting to sleep more than two hours, not like the manic.

like wild, like where you're like, oh my gosh, like my wife is in this insane state, like still like really going through it and far from back to, from quote unquote back to normal. But it started to be like, okay, like we could think out of a single day and start to be like, what is, what can help? And like our focus, everything was family, your health.

and our family. And so all of our resources and time and energy went into that. And I remember I was just like researching like a maniac trying to like figure out what's happening. How do I best help? What help do I need? How what can I delegate? And what is she I know to like, we can't just integrate her back into home like we have three kids and a newborn and all the things like it's just

She's not there. And so was like, what is that next step? So started like just diving into the deep rabbit holes of like, how do you help someone like this? Like trauma, postpartum, all the things, and started to find some really cool resources like trauma healing retreats, which if anyone knows Sandy, a trauma healing, granted you were so acute in the early stages, like a.

Sandy + Wade (56:15.532)
you couldn't go to a trauma healing retreat like three weeks postpartum. Like that wasn't what you needed. There needed to be some stability and then that. we started to find, I started to find all these things, started to call them, interview them, email them, get the feel for everyone. There's only so many spots. There's only so many days trying to find the perfect thing that could line up. Yeah. And so we're like looking at this, you're, not forgetting about that nine day experience. Are you?

Oh yeah. This is the worst thing of the entire postpartum. no, this is why I'm saying you have to have a part three. Yeah. So we have to have a part three. Oh my gosh. he is like jumping to the gun of the trauma healing retreat. You were just saying the next episode is an interview. I'm like, wait, wait, wait. No, was saying there needs to be a part three before the interview. Yes. Yes. Okay. Which I think the interview is the retreat. Anyway, no, this interview is with Christie. I know that, but that'll be a later one. Oh yes. Yeah. Yeah. Guys, we have a whole series that we're doing with different people.

that like helped us tremendously. It's going to go story time and then after it's over into like all the resources and how people you know that you know or you anyone can get help in these somewhat situations. But I do want to share like I think let's just like wrap it here and share what part three is going to be about. So part three I do want to talk a lot about like my spiritual like awakening and some of the stuff like that was happening there and how

I feel like I had like a total breakthrough with that. And then I also want to talk about the second psych ward experience, which was actually nine days long and the trauma that I have to process from what happened there. And just sharing some stories of what happened there. And then, yeah, then I came home for a few days and then I went to the three week trauma healing retreat. So, yeah, I was, there might even end up being a

Who knows it's you guys we're just taking you on and we're like skipping out on so many details But I honestly can say I feel like I'm a postpartum survivor. Like that's my sound dramatic. I do I really feel like I Survived it and I'm so so grateful to be on the other side of it because there was a solid six months where I was scared every single day I had such severe anxiety and I was so scared. I was gonna like accidentally die

Sandy + Wade (58:40.046)
Like I didn't want to die, but I just, kept being scared. What if I, and I wasn't driving a car. I didn't drive a car for five months. Postpartum Wade drove me to every appointment. But the reason I wasn't was because of anxiety. was like, if I have a panic attack while I'm driving and then my brain would go on these like horrible loops. I'm like, oh my gosh, postpartum white just comes out of psych ward, crashes car with all three kids, like four fatalities. Like I would start like going down this and being like, oh my God. And he's like, babe, that's not going to happen. But like my brain would just believe it.

and be so scared and I was like, well, fuck it. I'm not going to drive a car. So it was just like completely affecting our life. And Wade basically had four kids. Like I was like a handicapped person. I to, want to, we'll wrap it here, but I want to give you credit. mean, it takes bravery and vulnerability to even share a lot of this stuff. And hopefully it's, I think the word is cathartic or somewhat healing for you to even release and say out loud, but also the goal, you know, being on a podcast is hopefully.

you know, someone can resonate or relate or even be like, wow, I don't go through that, but like I've been through things too. And maybe I could share with someone I trust. Yeah. just want people to feel seen. Like I personally don't know anyone postpartum that has had multiple psych ward visits. Like not that I need to like have a network of all the moms that were in a psych ward, but like, I mean, I want people to know like that if that happens to you, like, then it can happen to anyone. can happen to anyone.

I don't know. So anyway, I this is the of part two. We'll have part three soon. And then we're going to interview a handful of people that were lifesavers for me during this experience. And I want you to know too, there is hope. Like we're telling you like the depths of the hardest part right now. There was months, literally six months of survival hell. And I will say, I'm just going to preface it that once I did ketamine therapy, I feel like something

drastically shifted. There's like building like blocks of the recovery and that's what we're going to do an interview series on like building blocks. just so you know what's come, going to do the part three on like spiritual awakening. There might be a part four if I know. Yeah. And psych ward experience. And then we're going to do an interview with Dr. Darren Brooks who owns the bridge, which is the trauma healing retreat I went to in St. George, Utah. He's amazing. And that facility like totally helped me. And then we're going to

Sandy + Wade (01:01:07.15)
We don't have to have it all figured out. We have several things lined up. So thank you for listening. Yeah, that was that felt like a huge release for me. So thank you for listening. Good job. Proud of you. Bye guys. Till part three.